Humboldt State University
Arcata, CA 95521-8299
Dear Portfolio Reader:
English has always been my weakest
topic but its fun when I write about what I like or have a great
amount if interest in. I am proud of all the interesting information
I have written about which I gathered from personal experience and
thorough research. I do not like sharing my undeveloped work which is
a cause for the lack of sharing. Another challenge I faced while
writing my papers is length. I found that the longer my paper was the
more comprehensible and interesting they became. Only through
feedback was I able to expand my paper.
[Comment on first paragraph.]1
While writing my paper
"C++ vs. Java"2 I could not come
to identify my audience. My first thought was the portfolio readers;
after all they are grading my paper. This led me to conclude that
everyone should be a suitable audience. When I first wrote my paper I
was frustrated because nobody could understand what I had to say. The
intern said that I had to define and explain everything. If I could
pull this task off I would have accomplished my goal.
While working on my paper I realized
that somebody that has no clue what my topic is
will completely miss out on the point. It's like trying to explain
how a car works to somebody that doesn't know what a car is. If they
don’t know what a car is why would they care how it works? My
solution was to change the audience to those who have knowledge about
the subject. The change was dramatic. I cut out a whole page of
history and terms.3
My second paper
The Artificial Sanctuary4 was a
lot easier to write. The ideas just rolled off my fingers although
they still need to be worked on. For example,
how playing video games helped me to become a better reader.5
This topic also involves
computer and it might seem to people that computers are all I care
about. That's only half true. I chose to write about this topic
because of the influence it has had on me through out my life. That's
the case with all my topics. Oddly enough they involve computers.6
I provided specific examples to prove some of my points.
I had trouble trying to get the reader to be in
the video game and experience the same feelings. I decided that it
would only make my paper stronger.7
What I and most people found very
interesting in my "Free Software Foundation" paper is how I was able
to talk about a topic and relate it to others. This is also my only
paper where I didn't do any planning. I just wrote it all in one
sitting. I came up with creative but cryptic
sentences such as "The United States is structured in a way in which
the corporations we help succeed oppress us."8 The
challenge I faced was trying to expand on that sentence before I moved
on. To me it was self-explanatory. The history provided made it more
comprehensible and is critical to understanding what the Free Software
During high school I was forced to do free
write's and outlines for every paper. The freedom my professor
provided allowed me to discover how I produced my best work.9
This is reflected through my best piece "The Free Software
Foundation". Writing these entries has been a great learning
experience. I understand that my writing isn't the best and
I have no sense for grammatical errors,10
but with time and revision I was able to over come of these hurdles. Before
I started my portfolio my goal was to be able to show knowledge of a
subject and clearly articulate my ideas.11 I feel like
I have accomplished my goal.
paragraph strikes me as vague and jumbled: the writer addresses
several topics and provides only generalizations, no specifics.
remembers to identify each of this submissions by title--not by
genre--and he formats the title appropriately.
author discusses one of his writing decisions--a very smart
strategy. Not only does he reveal his control over his
writing, he also casts this section of his paper as a strength
rather than as an oversight or mistake. The analogy also works
very well for me.
does a good job adhering to title capitalization conventions; he
does not, however, remember to enclose this title in quotation
author is right: some of the ideas in this paper "still need to be
worked on." As an evaluator, I am comforted by the fact that
he knows it and that he can identify a section that deserves this
kind of work. After all, the first step in rectifying a
problem is recognizing it.
feels like a tangent to me: I don't see how this information applies
to his second paper. I would be more comfortable encountering
this information, maybe, and I need more help understanding the
logic of these statements.
I need more
information here: I would like to know how he solved the problem of
getting "the reader to be in the video game and experienc[ing] the
same feelings." I would also like to know WHY he believes that
reader connection would "make [his] paper stronger."
this example of a "creative but cryptic sentence."
this attention to process, to how the semester has changed or
enhanced is process. Now I need to know how freewriting and
outlines hindered him. I also need to know what kind of
freedom he enjoyed and how that freedom "allowed [him] to discover
how [he] produce[s] [his] best work." In other words, I need
to know more about his new process.
comforted by this acknowledgement because although the errors don't
affect my understanding of his writing, I do find many punctuation
errors. I would be even more comforted if he had identified
the kinds of grammatical errors to which he refers and if he had
discussed his strategies for catching and correcting them.
appreciate this reference to goals, and I find myself looking
forward to reading the portfolio to determine the extent to which he
meets these goals. This sentence kind of launches me into the
portfolio itself--an appealing tactic. I also appreciate the
fact that he doesn't rely on the stale "I hope you enjoy reading
these submissions as much as I enjoyed writing them" conclusion.